Sparkling Grey
by Withered Black Rose
Summary: Deidara has gone crazy after the loss of Sasori and it is up to his memories of Sasori and the taunts of Konan to help him regain his sanity and return to being the fun-loving artist that he once was. Apperances by Konan and Hidan.


**Sparkling Grey  
**by Withered Black Rose

**Rating:** M

**Summary**: Deidara has gone crazy after the loss of Sasori and it is up to his memories of Sasori to help him regain his sanity and return to being the fun-loving artist that he once was. Apperances by Konan and Hidan.

**Warnings:** Yaoi/Slash. Don't read if you don't like m/m.

**Spoilers:** Yes, if you didn't know some important facts about Sasori, I advise you turn away right now. If you don't want spoilers to anything that happens concerning these two in Shippuden, then I advise you leave. You have been warned.

**Pairings:** SasoriXDeidara

**A/N:** I was listening to the song, "The last song I'm wasting on you" by Evanescence and I kept thinking of how this really fit Sasori and Deidara after Sasori dies. I hope that nobody minds, but I took the libertity of making up some facts, such as the facts about Sasori's death and maybe a couple of things about Konan. At the time, and even still now, I'm a little confused on how Sasori and Deidara die. So I assumed some stuff.

**Disclaimer:** Naruto and its characters do not belong to me. They belong to their inspired creator Masashi Kishimoto. I borrow them without permission, but with great affection. This story is for entertainment purposes only; no money is being made from it.

--

_Sparkling grey_

_Through my own veins_

_Any more than a whisper_

_Any sudden movement of my_

_Heart_

_And I know, I know I'll have to_

_Watch them pass away_

A bead of sweat rolled down the side of the blond's head, sliding into his blue eyes. He shifted his head and it rolled out and onto the already soaked pillow. The pillow had been soaked by numerous forms of water; tears, sweat, and water that Konan had tried to make him drink. But he would not drink. Or maybe it was that he couldn't. He lacked the will to do anything.

As he laid there on the bed he could hear the rush of his blood through his veins and the beat of his heart in his chest. And he cursed it. Cursed the beating of his own heart, cursed the flow of his own blood. Why, why should he live when Sasori-Danna was dead? Why?

He had no answer to his question. Zetsu and Tobi had practically dragged him home after he had found Danna's body. Or rather, the ruins of it. It had been shattered into pieces; smashed by the blows it had been dealt.

Deidara had stopped short of the wreckage. He couldn't bare it, couldn't stand seeing his Danna in a million pieces. Danna had been everything to him. **Everything.** How could his life continue if Danna was gone?

He had collapsed then, his mind and body giving into the black abyss of his despair. He had very little memory after that, except for when he had come to just long enough to hear Leader say, "It's for his own good." He had known he was on a bed that much he could tell. But then he had gone back to his happier thoughts. But what had been for his own good?

_Just get through this day_

Deidara tried to lift his arm and found that he couldn't. _'So that's what Leader meant.'_ He was strapped to the bed, stuck here until someone came to free him. But why should they? He was useless, useless now that the only spark of happiness had been taken from his life. They might as well give Tobi his spot. At least Tobi could do his part. He, Deidara, could no longer do it. His body barely responded to his will, and his mind was trapped in the dark hole of grief. Agony, despair, grief, call it was you will, he was trapped in it. And he could do nothing to pull himself out of it.

He ceased struggling and laid more comfortably against his pillow. As he closed his eyes, he felt the pull of his dreams. Dreams that promised to remind him of his Danna, dreams that promised to make him forget his current sadness. He let out a sigh and let the waves of his dreams sweep him into oblivion.

_Give up your way, you could_

_Be anything,_

_Give up my way,_

_And lose myself,_

_Not today_

_There's too much guilt to pay_

The waves of his dreams took him from one dream to the next, finally ending on one of him and Danna.

A maroon haired boy was sitting on the ground of the mountain where Akatsuki base was located. As Deidara watched from behind a tree, Sasori started to make a puppet. Deidara watched as Sasori made every careful stroke, doing nothing wrong. Each cut had a purpose, each carved shape a reason. This continued for an uncountable span of time until Sasori said over his shoulder, "Deidara, you can come out now."

Deidara blushed; embarrassed that he had been caught. He walked over to Sasori and sat down across from him. As he watched the boy work, a question came to him.

"Sasori?"

"Yes, Deidara?"

"Why do you carve puppets? What's their purpose?"

"Simple." Sasori looked up from his puppet and at Deidara. His maroon eyes met the innocent gaze of the blue eyes that looked back at him. "My puppets have several different reasons for being made. Some are for fighting; some are for defending the base. And some…Some have a more personal reason."

"Personal? How so?" Deidara's puzzled innocent face was gazing intently at the puppet that Sasori was holding in his lap, trying to figure out which category it fit into.

"I use some as bodies, cases for my heart." Sasori stroked the puppet lovingly. "I think I'll give this one silver hair…" He muttered.

"Bodies? You mean…" Deidara trailed off, unable to continue.

"Yes, Deidara, bodies. Even now, I'm not in my original human body. I rarely am. Perhaps you will be lucky enough to see my human body one day." He chuckled softly. "Then again, maybe that isn't lucky."

Deidara sat there, taking it all in. His Danna was a puppet. He watched in silence as Sasori added silver hair and eyes like diamonds to it. After awhile, he felt a question stirring in the back of his mind.

"Danna?"

Sasori looked up, and then chuckled. "Yeah brat?"

Deidara blushed but asked his question anyway. "Why change yourself if you don't have to?"

Sasori didn't laugh or tell Deidara to mind his own business, as Deidara was expecting. Rather, he sat and thought about it for a moment, slipping deep into thought.

Just as Deidara was about to apologize for his words, Sasori answered his question.

"Because there are times when I don't like who I am and I want to change. And I believe if you change your outwardly appearance, you can change a part of yourselves. For humans base a great deal on outwardly appearances."

Deidara nodded, the quipped, "You say that like you aren't one."

"I am human Deidara, just like you. I am all too human." Sasori said with a heavy voice.

_Sickened in the sun_

_You dare tell me you love me_

_But you held me down and _

_Screamed you wanted me to_

_Die_

_Honey you know, you know I'd_

_Never hurt you that way_

The dream shifted and faded, changing into another memory, this one both happy and painful.

Deidara was lying on a bed, stripped of his clothing, his body bruised and battered from the recent 'fun' he had received from Hidan. He was sore all over and he was **cold**. And he hated the cold.

He rolled over and pulled his knees up to his chest. He felt himself shivering and prayed to god that his clay wasn't hardening.

_'Maybe that's what he wanted, that sick bastard.'_ Deidara shook his head. The thought was crazy. _'But then again…'_

Deidara tried to sit up so he could find his clothes but his body hurt too much. It was then he heard voices outside his door.

"Damn it Hidan! Where is he?!" Sasori yelled. Deidara heard something hit the wall and knew it was Sasori's fist.

"Danna…" His voice was horse and his throat hurt from all the screaming he had done while Hidan had…raped him.

"I don't know where he is, Sasori. Honestly." Hidan's voice was thick with his lie.

Sasori-Danna heard through this though. "That's bullshit! I want him **now.**" Sasori's voice was low and **very **dangerous.

Deidara felt tears in the corner of his eyes. '_Danna cares.'_ He swallowed a couple of times and then yelled as loud as he could, "SASORI-DAANAAAAAA!!!!"

There was a crash and then Sasori came in. His short red hair had been replaced with slightly longer silver hair, his maroon eyes for twinkling diamonds. He strode over to Deidara and wrapped his arms around him, gently.

"Danna…"

"Ssh, ssh. Don't talk baby. When we get to my room I'll give you some medicine and you can sleep the pain off. But for now, just rest." Sasori whispered softly into Deidara's ear.

Deidara curled up against Sasori, wincing as a spasm of pain shot up from his groin. "Thank you Danna."

Sasori looked down and him and smiled. "Welcome, my little shit."

_You're just so pretty in your pain_

"Deidara, wake up!"

Deidara bolted up and looked around, sweat lining his forehead.

Standing in front of him was a girl with long blue hair and dark eyes. She was wearing a black cloak with red clouds on it. It was Konan, the only female member of Akatsuki.

"Yeah, Konan? Here to feed me more pills?" He asked dryly, noting the cup of water and pills that she was holding.

"There supposed to bring down your fever and make you better. Will you kindly take these ones? You haven't taken the last four I've brought you." Her voice was serious, as well as pleading.

"Nope. You know I won't take those damn things. I'm…" He wanted to say 'fine' but it didn't feel right to lie to her. Instead he said, "…Not in need of pills."

"Fine. Don't take the pills. But at least drink the water. You're going to die soon if you don't." Konan's voice was soft and full of pity.

"Ah, what a relief that would be." He muttered to the ceiling.

Konan sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Deidara, what happened to you? You used to be so full of life, fight, and happiness. Where did all that go?"

"With Danna, to the grave."

"So just because Sasori is gone, you're going to sit here and wallow in self-pity? Somehow, I don't get the feeling that's what Sasori would want." Her words were harsh, but her tone was gentle.

Deidara didn't reply.

"Oh, come on Deidara! Say something! There was a time when you would have blown me up for that remark! COME ON!"

There was silence for several minutes until Deidara whispered, so softly she barely heard it, "Am I…wrong? Am I…bad? Is it wrong for me to miss him this much?" His voice was soft and laced with sadness.

Konan looked at him and noticed that his head was bowed and water drops were landing on the bed. '_He's crying. Oh, the poor thing. He really does miss Sasori.'_ Konan mentally beat herself up. '_I've been giving him a hard time, and he's been suffering.'_ She reached out and put his head on her lap, feeling teardrops hit her leg. "I'm so sorry Deidara. I've been a real asshole. Please forgive me."

She sat there for over an hour, letting him cry himself to sleep. She stroked his head and then gently moved it onto the pillow. _'Sleep tight, my little Dei-dei.'_

_Give up my way, and I could_

_Be anything_

_I'll make my own way_

_Without your senseless_

_Hate…hate…hate…hate_

"Deidara."

_'Who's there?'_

"Deidara."

_'I can't wake up. Help me.'_

"I can't if you don't try first Deidara. You have to pull yourself out of this hole by yourself."

_'But I don't know how!'_

"Yes you do. You always have. Now you just have to figure out what that way is."

_'But-'_

"No buts Deidara. Try. Just try, my sweet little Kohai."

Deidara went silent and slowed his breathing. He slowly breathed in, and then slowly let it out. He repeated this for several minuets until he felt a deep peace. _'Danna.'_

"Go my Kohai, and know that I truly did love you."

_'I love you too Danna.'_

_So run, run, run_

_And hate me, if it feels good_

_I can't hear your screams anymore_

Deidara slowly opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. A lot had changed in the last few hours. Sasori had come to him and pulled him from the darkness. Deidara would always be angry at Sasori for going and dying on him, but at least now he could live and be angry.

Deidara laughed at the ceiling. "You're watching me, aren't you? I guess you'll always be watching me hu? Isn't that right Danna?" Deidara laughed again. It wasn't insanity; it was the truth.

**Knock knock**

Deidara sat up, a look of curiosity coming to his face. '_Someone to visit? So soon?'_ Deidara thought. It certainly wasn't Konan; she just came in.

Deidara got up and went over to the door, his legs slightly wobbly. As he opened the door, he saw a person he would rather have avoided.

"I thought I heard my favorite clay artist up and about."

_You lied to me_

_But I'm older now_

_And I'm not buying baby_

Deidara stared at the silver haired man in front of him. He was the main source of Deidara's pain, and the man of his nightmares. This was Hidan, the rapist of Akatsuki.

"What do you want Hidan?" Despite all of Deidara's control, his voice still shook.

"I just wanted to come and check on my Dei-dei." Hidan said, slowly pushing the door open.

"Go away Hidan." Deidara put one hand on the wall and the other on the door.

"Oh, but Deidara. I just want to make sure you're well. You've been sick for _soo_ long…"

"I'm perfectly fine, as you can see. Go now."

"Deidara, what happened? I thought you loved me?"

"Ha! I've never loved you. Or rather, I've only ever loved you as much as you've loved me. Which you never have. Goodnight Hidan." With that, Deidara pushed the door closed and went to his desk. It was time for him to write all of this down.

_Demanding my response_

_Don't bother breaking the door down_

_I found my way out_

Deidara looked down at his paper. It was the last of 15 pages and was crammed with writing. At some point Konan had come in and remarked that she was surprised to see him out of bed. Deidara had said very little to her; he had been too busy writing. The story was just flowing like a never ending river from his hand to the paper. Deidara had hardly ever stopped writing, except when his hand had cramped from too much writing. But the pain didn't matter to him. The only thing that mattered was getting the story done.

Some hours later Deidara stood up and stretched. The story was finished. He had written all that he could, and he knew that Sasori would be pleased with it, with him. He smiled and looked out the window. The sky was turning a light shade of pink, a sign of the coming dawn. He had spent all night working on this; he could only hope it pleased his Danna. Deidara yawned and realized just how exhausted he was. He would likely sleep the rest of the day away, letting his fatigue fade and his depression drop. But that was no bother. As long as the story was down. He smiled then. There was _one_ last thing to do.

Every story needed a title.

He came over and wrote, in fancy cursive, the title of his great story:

Sparkling Gray

_And you'll never hurt me again…_


End file.
